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Post by ScintillaMyntan on Jan 1, 2022 19:39:48 GMT -6
All right, it's a new year, and it freaks me out that I'm already 29. I feel I haven't been living fully enough, both in terms of experiences and accomplishments.
Do you have any opinions on how to make good use of your time? Were there any years you wasted? I'm wasting time and I want to know how not to waste any more.
I don't believe a well-lived year needs to be a happy one, necessarily. Pain is part of the experience of life. I'm also not someone who believes you need to go on exciting vacations and get married to live a full life; being someone who reads great books, cooks good food, or things like that is probably also living well. But I'm not doing things like that; I'm spending too much time trying to distract myself from upsetting emotions with unsatisfying, time-filling laziness activities. As for writing, as a kid who loved to write, I imagined I'd "grow up" to be someone who works every day on good stories, and now, one to four times a year I manage to get through various psychological blocks enough to crank out a mediocre piece.
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Post by HDSimplicityy on Jan 2, 2022 0:19:43 GMT -6
Don't freak out just yet! Okay.. you already have lol.
I just turned 29 and partially know how this feels, partially since each person's life happens at a different pace and partially because I am not you. I have never been married, have no children, no house of my own. Heck, haven't even dated or had my first kiss! I want AALLLLL of those.
What are you distracting yourself from with these upsetting emotions? Thats the first question. Once you get to the core of your emotional reaction, you can find a solution. But for making good use of time... hmmmmmm.... well, do what you enjoy. You don't have to be in the career you desire right now to be happy. Many of us aren't; I am writing my way to that. Marriage, while an awesome and challenging experience (can't speak to that), won't make you happy unless you are happy being single. Before you get hitched with a spouse, live your life with enjoyment and the pain. You'll both have those as they come being married.
Write down activities that satisfy you, goals towards stuff and have those be small or large accomplishments. What will make your life right now be full? And by the way, you can write one to four good stories a year, but books? Thats a ton of work, no kidding.
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Post by RAVENEYE on Jan 3, 2022 11:55:24 GMT -6
Ugh, this sounds too familiar. This is so not going to help, but try being 44 and still wrestling with this.
The only things I've found that help alleviate feelings like these are:
* helping someone else
* trying something new (even things you're afraid of, maybe especially things you're afraid of)
* helping someone else
* going somewhere new (even if it's the weird little diner on the corner)
* spending time with people who love you no matter what
* helping someone else
-Reading good books is great and all, but it can show you things you're missing, which leads to Compare Syndrome, which leads to sadness and feeds depression. (I struggled with this to such extremes that every book I read got me to crying and hating my life.)
-Cooking good food is fun, especially if it's new recipes, but is lonely if there's no one to dine with.
-Same thing with going new places, if you have to go alone. Ick.
So even with introverts, I guess feelings of living a satisfying life boil down to sharing it with others. Writing is a very lonely business, but I think it works best if it fills the time when we're alone, offsetting the time we spend investing in other people, whether family, friends, or strangers.
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Post by Alatariel on Jan 3, 2022 13:43:34 GMT -6
Hi.
I'm 35 and I think everyone, no matter their age, worries about how they spend their limited time here on Earth.
However, the things that matter aren't necessarily the huge accomplishments. That's capitalism and society telling us (yelling at us) to BE PRODUCTIVE in order to matter. That's not true at all. Not everyone is going to make huge waves. What matters most to you? For me, it's simple.
Spread kindness. Hope. Show love whenever possible. Listen to others. Tell people how you feel about them. Spend time with your loved ones, whether that's family, friends, or chosen family. Create art, but it doesn't have to be great art, just art you enjoy doing. Learn new things.
I would say, if you are uncertain about your life, make some small change to bring back some joy to your life. Life is too short to just do drudgery all day, every day. Take the time to pursue something you don't hate doing. Scared to go back to school because of the time and expense? Who cares, no one can take knowledge from us and I think education is always worth it. Time will pass anyways, might as well do something with it that'll bring you closer to a life you'll be happy living. Will I ever publish and become a successful author? I don't know, but I'll keep writing because it makes me happy. Will I ever be the best mom ever? No, but I'm gonna keep trying and loving my kids.
What does success look like for you? Everything is valid. I find small moments of connection the sweetest and most fulfilling. Don't discount those small moments.
I don't know if that helps or sounds preachy.
For me, there are some leaps I've taken that I'm proud of and though I was scared, I can look back with pride. Like traveling to the one place I've always wanted to go (Scotland) and having kids (a big thing I wanted). But smaller things make me feel that pride, too, like adopting a pet or finishing a story or learning a new skill.
It can feel like we are wasting our time...I know when my daughter was really young it felt that way sometimes. As a stay at home mom with a 2 year old it can get...monotonous and you wonder if what you're doing actually matters. But now that I have two kids and my oldest is 8, things are more exciting and fun and I see my influence more and more. So sometimes it feels like we're wasting time, but we're really just GROWING and evolving and learning.
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Post by bilance on Jan 3, 2022 21:15:41 GMT -6
There's a lot of wonderful and inspirational answers so I will provide you with a more technical approach. Come up with a list of habits you tend to drift towards that waste a lot of time. List down the movies/shows/videos that you find yourself watching over and over again but get no enjoyment from. Disable your social media feed if you got any. Now you will be left with a lot of time.
With that time you just save. Make plans with it. Perhaps find activities that socializes with new people. Going on courses to learn new skills. For the remaining few days that you are4 left free. Plan a list of activities you can do at home which you would consider productive. Like chatting with other LF members to hash out your story. I find that very helpful to clear my writers block. You can go to our LF discord to have a chat. I would be more than happy to listen to what you have plan on your stories and figure things out together. As i feel that the shoutbox is quite hard to get a conversation going.
Best of luck to you this year.
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Post by HDSimplicityy on Jan 3, 2022 23:36:38 GMT -6
You can go to our LF discord to have a chat. I would be more than happy to listen to what you have plan on your stories and figure things out together. As i feel that the shoutbox is quite hard to get a conversation going. This.
Since the server was started, its mostly been Stargirl09, you (I think you're Etrius?), and me. Sometimes TGlassy or bluewpc comes in. Sometimes another person.
It needs more life!
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Post by bluewpc on Dec 12, 2022 15:54:38 GMT -6
You gotta suffer for the shit you want. Anything worth pursuing is going to involve an overhealthy dose of pain and you gotta drink that shot and break the glass and chug the shards in your blood. Cause life is a sumbitch.
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Post by RAVENEYE on Dec 13, 2022 12:17:35 GMT -6
You gotta suffer for the shit you want. Anything worth pursuing is going to involve an overhealthy dose of pain and you gotta drink that shot and break the glass and chug the shards in your blood. Cause life is a sumbitch. LOL, no doubt about that! This constant feeling of clawing my way along probably means I'm living some kind of "life" even if it's not the one I had envisioned. I'm guessing you don't wrestle with this existential crisis too often, Blue. |
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Post by bluewpc on Dec 16, 2022 12:35:52 GMT -6
I cant say that I do. You know Im not ever going to build a particle accelerator and I firmly believe that is one of the pinnacles of human achievement. Im not going to cure cancer though that would be a heighty achievement for man. Im not going to Mars unless they need to put down a rebellion there. What I am is a moral janitor. I kill the people whose souls are so messy that they disrupt our civilization and while the janitor is the lowliest of all professions no one enjoys walking in shit  Edit: Oh Ill send you a pic of my writing station next chance I get. Its in the armory XD |
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JohnPennman
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Posts: 11 
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Post by JohnPennman on Jan 4, 2023 10:58:35 GMT -6
Just my two cents
I am 45, and I am barely getting into writing.
My entire childhood I really didn't get attention or love, and love was a very foreign concept to me. I was all about survival. I clawed my way through life(so you're not alone Raven).
I traveled around the world, and have seen some crazy things in my search for love.
I had to learn to love myself and expect that that's as much love as I'd ever receive.
I work and live in a transition home for parolees getting out of prison who have no place to live and wish to try to restart their lives after whatever huge mistake they made. I help them get government assistance, help them find employment, and once they're on their feet they move on and the next guy comes in. It's a revolving door of past criminals coming in and out.
Actually it'd make for a great TV show, with the constant shifting of characters coming in and out.
I have all my belongings in a relatively small room, but it's mine and I have my private square in a really nice house. As long as my rent is paid that's all that matters in that regard.
However, spending most of my childhood playing by myself, I developed a REALLY good imagination. There are worlds and worlds in my head, and I can come up with bizarre and interesting thoughts on the fly.
The issue is putting them down on paper so they don't just die with me. Which is the point of me posting this.
It doesn't matter whether it's good or bad, everything you post is a glimpse into your life and who you are. EVERYTHING. Every story. Every meme and joke and facebook post and all the rest.
I like life and the uniqueness it brings, and everyone IS unique.
So keep posting, cause it's interesting to others if not yourself, and you have more color than you know, and I want to see those colors.
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Post by ScintillaMyntan on Jan 4, 2023 13:02:50 GMT -6
Thanks for your post. With your job you must really come to appreciate characters: all those individual people and their character development. And I guess living and growing as the character you are is a way to a rich life. When we write it's kind of an act of 'characterization' as in fiction. Nice way of looking at it. |
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