Post by VolcanicDuck on Oct 2, 2020 15:19:04 GMT -6
<i>No Will to Live</i>
Carlton was sure he’d conjured the perfect suicide method. He’d gone over it countless times and was finally ready. Well, he would be after this beer, the last of the six pack he’d borrowed from a stranger’s fridge.
He crushed the empty can and stepped on the gas. The telephone poles started to whir by as he got the stolen Audi up to a hundred and five. Carlton set the cruise control and hopped into the back seat just as the car swerved onto the gravel shoulder. He lost track of how many times the car rolled before he was thrown clear and into the trunk of a thick oak tree.
“You almost made it this time,” his guardian angel said, smirking.
Carlton moaned on the ground, completely broken but very much alive. He tried to speak, unsuccessfully, but managed to raise both mangled middle fingers.
“Now, now, that’s not nice.”
Carlton heard sirens approaching. They’d likely give him morphine. He’d tried to overdose on the stuff when he was wounded in the Civil War. Almost made it. He’d be smarter this time. Smarter that that goddamn angel.
Last Edit: Oct 2, 2020 15:21:11 GMT -6 by VolcanicDuck: spacing was off
Hey, this is the first critique of a story being back on LengendFire, it might be a bit rusty.
The topic of this is really dark and sad but I like your writing, the race against the guardian angel made it fun to read, which goes against the dark topic. It does make me want to read more as I feel the guardian angel will save Carlton a lot which makes me wonder why and obviously the feud between them might be quite entertaining from what I get from this little excerpt. Good luck with this story.
Whoa, this is so deliciously grim. The dude can't die! As much as we long to keep living, this would be terrible. Ready to go and can't. I was going to comment on how, realistically, such a tumbling impact would probably send someone into unconsciousness, but given his superhuman immortality, I can't be sure he wouldn't just stay awake through the whole horrible ordeal. So I can't even comment on that. What a snarky angel though. Here's a question, now that I'm overthinking it: why does such a guy need a guardian angel? Seems like extra torment. Very interested to see how/why he's immortal. Sounds like a curse at this point. So now I'm dying to know what he did to merit this horrible immortality.
So that's my reader reaction. Bring more, please.
Edit: And I like Stargirl's point about the relationship between the human and the angel. I'll bet they go waaaaaay back.
Last Edit: Oct 3, 2020 13:55:56 GMT -6 by RAVENEYE
This plot concept is intriguing. What I saw was a reluctant immortal who thinks he is still mortal (much like the concept in the movie Ground Hog Day). The question in my mind is why is he seeking to escape his immortality. Is he confused that there is other alternatives: mortality, immortality, what else? What is the goal of the guardian angel here. This plot concept follows some of the ideas of "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah: Bach, Richard." (an entertaining and provocative read)