In a crowded marketplace, fitting in is a failure. -- Seth Godin
Custom Title: Idea Girl
Preferred Pronouns: She/her
Post by ScienceGirl on Jul 3, 2021 18:54:18 GMT -6
Get Off the See-Saw
He saw. She smelled. He heard. She tasted. He felt. None of these phrases are necessary in deep POV because deep POV is an example of what Nelson calls sensory writing.
There can, as she points out, be sensory tells. For example:
Nothing wrong with that sentence grammatically. But it's classic shallow POV. Why?
Because your character's ability to see is implied! It's always extraneous to write in something that's implied. If you are in deep POV, you don't have to tell readers what they can understand by the actions that followed.
Consider this, instead.
Now, did Barry see the dog peeking out of the closet? Of course he did. Did he hear the dog scratching? Yes!!! The actions of seeing and hearing were implied.
The idea here is to go straight to the point. And, if you remember the lesson on filtering, that's exactly what we're trying to avoid. As soon as we put in those sensation words, we've let that narrator pop back in and widen the narrative distance.