Deep POV Lesson 3 Never Say What He/She Thought
Jul 2, 2021 8:25:30 GMT -6
Post by ScienceGirl on Jul 2, 2021 8:25:30 GMT -6
Never Say What He/She Thought
In Chapter 3, Nelson goes into more detail about those specific words that create narrative distance and "are death to deep POV." These words, she says, put readers at arms length from the character rather than keeping them in the POVC's head where they belong. She gives us a new term: shallow POV, which pops that narrator right back in to our story.
Here are some of the examples she gives:
Notice how in each of those examples there are added benefits to the switch to deep POV. The sentences are 1) more concise and 2) less telling
Nelson challenges us to consider whether or not we go around thinking "I thought" or "I think" to ourselves. Have you ever thought "I think I need a shower?" Of course we don't! Real thoughts are more stilted. We go straight to thinking "I need a shower." So why would we have our characters add in the extra "I think" when it isn't realistic to do so?
I'll have to admit that when I first heard about deep POV I was skeptical. This is the point that finally sold me on it. You can probably tell in these lessons that I have a wordy tendency. I wanted my writing to be more concise, but the more things I cut back, the worse it sounded. Now, I understand that I can take a lot of those extraneous words out of thought. It's so helpful!
She also gives us some deep POV Power Phrases:
1) If/If only
2) How could she/he/I?
3) Wonder when?
4) No way could she/he/I
5) He/she/I would never
6) So this was ...
7) Who was he/she/I fooling?
Super helpful!
In Chapter 3, Nelson goes into more detail about those specific words that create narrative distance and "are death to deep POV." These words, she says, put readers at arms length from the character rather than keeping them in the POVC's head where they belong. She gives us a new term: shallow POV, which pops that narrator right back in to our story.
Here are some of the examples she gives:
Shallow POV: He thought a good bath wouldn't hurt the dog.
Deep POV: Whew! A good bath would do this dog a world of good.
Shallow POV: She feels a sinking sensation in her middle.
Deep POV: Her stomach drops to her toes.
Shallow POV: He knew that if she did that, she'd fail.
Deep POV: If she did that, she'd fail.
Shallow POV: She wondered how she would get through the next day.
Deep POV: How could she possibly survive the next day?
Deep POV: I wish I hadn't said that
Shallow POV: If only I hadn't said that
Deep POV: Whew! A good bath would do this dog a world of good.
Shallow POV: She feels a sinking sensation in her middle.
Deep POV: Her stomach drops to her toes.
Shallow POV: He knew that if she did that, she'd fail.
Deep POV: If she did that, she'd fail.
Shallow POV: She wondered how she would get through the next day.
Deep POV: How could she possibly survive the next day?
Deep POV: I wish I hadn't said that
Shallow POV: If only I hadn't said that
Nelson challenges us to consider whether or not we go around thinking "I thought" or "I think" to ourselves. Have you ever thought "I think I need a shower?" Of course we don't! Real thoughts are more stilted. We go straight to thinking "I need a shower." So why would we have our characters add in the extra "I think" when it isn't realistic to do so?
I'll have to admit that when I first heard about deep POV I was skeptical. This is the point that finally sold me on it. You can probably tell in these lessons that I have a wordy tendency. I wanted my writing to be more concise, but the more things I cut back, the worse it sounded. Now, I understand that I can take a lot of those extraneous words out of thought. It's so helpful!
She also gives us some deep POV Power Phrases:
1) If/If only
2) How could she/he/I?
3) Wonder when?
4) No way could she/he/I
5) He/she/I would never
6) So this was ...
7) Who was he/she/I fooling?
Super helpful!
You add them to your profile as you do them around the forum.
