Space and Time for Every Line
Apr 10, 2021 18:31:13 GMT -6
Post by ScienceGirl on Apr 10, 2021 18:31:13 GMT -6
Places, everyone! This might be a fun Legendfire workshop one day.
In Kentucky, teachers have to do these things called peer reviews. We sit in someone else's class and give them feedback on their lessons. One of my friends likes to have her students exchange feedback focusing on is this very important question:
In Kentucky, teachers have to do these things called peer reviews. We sit in someone else's class and give them feedback on their lessons. One of my friends likes to have her students exchange feedback focusing on is this very important question:
Where are the characters in space and time when they deliver each line of their dialogue, and what actions are they performing?
I had the pleasure of sitting in one of these activities, as well as the Socratic Circle discussion that followed. The students In the discussion, one girl stood and read her excerpt. Then, each student who had reviewed her piece read their interpretation of the character description and setting. It was HYSTERICAL.
According to the other students, her main character was a red/blonde/brown-headed girl who did and did not wear glasses. She was tanned and pale, and had blue and green eyes. Her hairstyle was of varying lengths. The only thing they agreed on was that the girl had a spray of freckles across her nose.
In the story, the girl was having a conversation with her crush's best friend. According to the other students, it took place in a high school cafeteria, on the football field, at their house, inside, outside...
You get the idea. This girl had not anchored her character to a setting and her characters were flat, descriptionless blobs who blurted out dialogue. I think this is a trap many of us fall into with our rough drafts. Then, we try to overcompensate and write in wordy info-dumps and such. So, what can be done to fix it?
Be ye a pantser or a plotter, before you start churning out 3500 words in a chapter, take a few moments to close your eyes and see your characters in the room. Do they all start in the room, or are their entrances staggered? If they do enter at different times, do they come in from the right or left? Where are the exits and windows in this room? What objects do they have to pass or move around to reach the part of the room where the scene takes place. Do they stay put, or do they move about? Is this a fluid motion, or is it impacted by emotion (someone stomps across the room and flops on the couch, rather than just appearing on the couch). It can be jarring to the reader when they assume everyone is standing and all of the sudden someone takes a bite from their dinner plate.
If your characters are in a car, picture the map of where they are driving. Are they on an Interstate, or will they be doing things like stopping at a traffic light or signaling? If they are outside, what buildings or landforms surround them?
In playwriting, the characters are directed to move about the scene with stage directions. Character enters stage right, carrying a basket of apples. Character hands the maidservant a ticket as he walks through the door. Think about real life. How many times do you enter a new room and people just sit there the whole time unmoving. Okay, maybe since COVID that's more true, but typically people maneuver around the setting in some kind of fluid way.
Imagine for a moment that I've invited all the members of Legendfire to a dinner party at my home. The first guest arrives, which I will establish with a single line.
The doorbell rings.
Literally ANYTHING could be happening while that doorbell rings. Here's what it would look like at my house. I'm in the kitchen, preparing a meal. My husband is straightening our living room so we can pretend we don't live like downright messy sloths. He's tuning out the world with his noise-canceling headphones and occasionally blurting out lines from Run DMC. My children are sitting frozen on the couch because I've threatened them within an inch of their life to not move or mess anything up. The doorbell rings...
We all react to it. My daughter jumps up and races to the door, knocking a candy dish over and spilling it. The dog sees the spilled candy and runs over to eat it. My son rushes over to the dog and tries to contain it while my daughter is trying to pick up the candy. I peek in from the kitchen and realize no one is answering the door. The doorbell rings again...
In science class you learn that for every action, there's an equal but opposite reaction. So basically nothing happens in complete isolation.
One of the most common mistakes writers make is to rush this scene. Let's hurry and get to the doorbell and start the dialogue between the new characters. A good writer could drag that entire moment (the ringing of the doorbell) into an entire chapter. Each individual piece of that event can be choreographed. What is happening in the setting at the instant the doorbell sounds?
For example, let's hone in on my daughter sitting on our sectional. She's twelve. Textbook ADHD. Couldn't sit still for ten minutes if her life depended on it. NEVER STOPS TALKING LOL. She's going to be kicking her feet against the couch, accidentally scooting the rug, tapping her fingers on the coffee table, fidgeting with her jacket--there are so many potential actions I could give her in that moment.
My fifteen-year-old son is an avid gamer. When he is not at his computer, he's watching videos of other people gaming. He would be sitting on the couch bent over his phone. Whatever video he's watching would be turned up to an insane volume. If someone speaks to him, he will grunt. Teens... LOL
He and my daughter NEVER sit next to each other without some kind of interaction. She's going to tell him his video is too loud. He's going to tell her to mind her own business. She will kick him instead of the couch. He will yell to me that she kicked him even though I'm right next to them in the kitchen and I hear/see the whole thing.
My twenty-year-old will be upstairs, pretending the other two do not exist. He will be standing in front of the mirror, inspecting the fourth shirt he's changed into. He will eventually be the one to rise above the chaos and answer the door.
I'm in the kitchen, doing LITERALLY FIVE HUNDRED THINGS. Have you ever prepared for a dinner party? Cooking for a bunch of people is chaos.
Now, some might be asking: IS IT NECESSARY TO EXPAND "THE DOORBELL RINGS" INTO ITS OWN CHAPTER?
Consider what you will gain from doing that. Suddenly, I've given readers a glimpse into every character in my setting (chaos LOL). They'll know that when we try to portray this perfect family image, it's a complete farce. They'll know that even though I take happy meds, my anxiety is really what's in control of that scene. They'll see that the poor dog gets left out when we are in chaos-mode and she typically causes some kind of epic last-minute disaster because we've given her no attention. Sure, none of those details are "necessary" but they can be used to paint a picture.
According to the other students, her main character was a red/blonde/brown-headed girl who did and did not wear glasses. She was tanned and pale, and had blue and green eyes. Her hairstyle was of varying lengths. The only thing they agreed on was that the girl had a spray of freckles across her nose.
In the story, the girl was having a conversation with her crush's best friend. According to the other students, it took place in a high school cafeteria, on the football field, at their house, inside, outside...
You get the idea. This girl had not anchored her character to a setting and her characters were flat, descriptionless blobs who blurted out dialogue. I think this is a trap many of us fall into with our rough drafts. Then, we try to overcompensate and write in wordy info-dumps and such. So, what can be done to fix it?
Establishing character movement within a setting
Be ye a pantser or a plotter, before you start churning out 3500 words in a chapter, take a few moments to close your eyes and see your characters in the room. Do they all start in the room, or are their entrances staggered? If they do enter at different times, do they come in from the right or left? Where are the exits and windows in this room? What objects do they have to pass or move around to reach the part of the room where the scene takes place. Do they stay put, or do they move about? Is this a fluid motion, or is it impacted by emotion (someone stomps across the room and flops on the couch, rather than just appearing on the couch). It can be jarring to the reader when they assume everyone is standing and all of the sudden someone takes a bite from their dinner plate.
If your characters are in a car, picture the map of where they are driving. Are they on an Interstate, or will they be doing things like stopping at a traffic light or signaling? If they are outside, what buildings or landforms surround them?
In playwriting, the characters are directed to move about the scene with stage directions. Character enters stage right, carrying a basket of apples. Character hands the maidservant a ticket as he walks through the door. Think about real life. How many times do you enter a new room and people just sit there the whole time unmoving. Okay, maybe since COVID that's more true, but typically people maneuver around the setting in some kind of fluid way.
Using Random Objects to Depict Time
Bringing life to a single line
One thing I'm terrible at is establishing when a story takes place. People who critique my writing often say this could have happened in any year or any season. So I've worked hard at finding small ways to show month/date/year, time of day, etc. This is actually pretty easy. Pop a 2021 Prius into the neighbor's driveway. Have the character interact with Christmas or Easter decorations while they're talking on the phone. The sun rises in the east, so have sunlight stream in from an eastern window and it's suddenly morning. When they open the door, have a small pile of melting snow at the threshold. Let a tiny white petal from a pear tree float inside behind the person who enters a home.
I love the movie The Usual Suspects. If you haven't seen it, the entire movie is based on this guy Keyser Soze. The plot is basically the interview of this guy "Verbal" Kint, who describes his part in a multi-million dollar heist that goes terribly wrong. I won't spoil the movie (GO SEE IT! BRILLIANT PLOT TWIST), but there are so many objects planted in that interrogator's office that give clues to the mystery and set up time and place. Signs on the bulletin board. Images and words on a coffee mug. Things you see out the window. What a great strategy!
I love the movie The Usual Suspects. If you haven't seen it, the entire movie is based on this guy Keyser Soze. The plot is basically the interview of this guy "Verbal" Kint, who describes his part in a multi-million dollar heist that goes terribly wrong. I won't spoil the movie (GO SEE IT! BRILLIANT PLOT TWIST), but there are so many objects planted in that interrogator's office that give clues to the mystery and set up time and place. Signs on the bulletin board. Images and words on a coffee mug. Things you see out the window. What a great strategy!
Bringing life to a single line
Imagine for a moment that I've invited all the members of Legendfire to a dinner party at my home. The first guest arrives, which I will establish with a single line.
The doorbell rings.
Literally ANYTHING could be happening while that doorbell rings. Here's what it would look like at my house. I'm in the kitchen, preparing a meal. My husband is straightening our living room so we can pretend we don't live like downright messy sloths. He's tuning out the world with his noise-canceling headphones and occasionally blurting out lines from Run DMC. My children are sitting frozen on the couch because I've threatened them within an inch of their life to not move or mess anything up. The doorbell rings...
We all react to it. My daughter jumps up and races to the door, knocking a candy dish over and spilling it. The dog sees the spilled candy and runs over to eat it. My son rushes over to the dog and tries to contain it while my daughter is trying to pick up the candy. I peek in from the kitchen and realize no one is answering the door. The doorbell rings again...
In science class you learn that for every action, there's an equal but opposite reaction. So basically nothing happens in complete isolation.
One of the most common mistakes writers make is to rush this scene. Let's hurry and get to the doorbell and start the dialogue between the new characters. A good writer could drag that entire moment (the ringing of the doorbell) into an entire chapter. Each individual piece of that event can be choreographed. What is happening in the setting at the instant the doorbell sounds?
For example, let's hone in on my daughter sitting on our sectional. She's twelve. Textbook ADHD. Couldn't sit still for ten minutes if her life depended on it. NEVER STOPS TALKING LOL. She's going to be kicking her feet against the couch, accidentally scooting the rug, tapping her fingers on the coffee table, fidgeting with her jacket--there are so many potential actions I could give her in that moment.
My fifteen-year-old son is an avid gamer. When he is not at his computer, he's watching videos of other people gaming. He would be sitting on the couch bent over his phone. Whatever video he's watching would be turned up to an insane volume. If someone speaks to him, he will grunt. Teens... LOL
He and my daughter NEVER sit next to each other without some kind of interaction. She's going to tell him his video is too loud. He's going to tell her to mind her own business. She will kick him instead of the couch. He will yell to me that she kicked him even though I'm right next to them in the kitchen and I hear/see the whole thing.
My twenty-year-old will be upstairs, pretending the other two do not exist. He will be standing in front of the mirror, inspecting the fourth shirt he's changed into. He will eventually be the one to rise above the chaos and answer the door.
I'm in the kitchen, doing LITERALLY FIVE HUNDRED THINGS. Have you ever prepared for a dinner party? Cooking for a bunch of people is chaos.
Now, some might be asking: IS IT NECESSARY TO EXPAND "THE DOORBELL RINGS" INTO ITS OWN CHAPTER?
Consider what you will gain from doing that. Suddenly, I've given readers a glimpse into every character in my setting (chaos LOL). They'll know that when we try to portray this perfect family image, it's a complete farce. They'll know that even though I take happy meds, my anxiety is really what's in control of that scene. They'll see that the poor dog gets left out when we are in chaos-mode and she typically causes some kind of epic last-minute disaster because we've given her no attention. Sure, none of those details are "necessary" but they can be used to paint a picture.
Using Random Objects to Establish Setting and Mood
The best advice I've ever been given about dialogue is to never have a character say ANYTHING unless you've given them an object to interact with. Maybe that object never makes the page, but you should at least know what they are doing when they are saying each line. What are the characters holding? Are they fidgeting with those objects? For example, one day we were having company and my daughter sat at the couch and shredded an entire kleenex in the floor. Then, she blamed the dog. Everything she said to me while I was preparing for this company was spoken as a piece of torn tissue dropped to my spotless floor. Sigh...
But people are not static. They play with their hair, their collars, their zippers, the edge of the counter, the buttons on the chair... They pick things up and put them in other places. They throw things.
I don't necessarily have to tell you that I'm in the kitchen if I deliver my dialogue while poking my head in the refrigerator. Everyone knows we don't keep a refrigerator in the bathroom. If I talk about chopping peppers or running water over strawberries in a draining bowl, those actions paint a picture of me being in the kitchen. When we critique and we say show, not tell, we're really saying to paint that picture. Objects are a perfect way.
But people are not static. They play with their hair, their collars, their zippers, the edge of the counter, the buttons on the chair... They pick things up and put them in other places. They throw things.
I don't necessarily have to tell you that I'm in the kitchen if I deliver my dialogue while poking my head in the refrigerator. Everyone knows we don't keep a refrigerator in the bathroom. If I talk about chopping peppers or running water over strawberries in a draining bowl, those actions paint a picture of me being in the kitchen. When we critique and we say show, not tell, we're really saying to paint that picture. Objects are a perfect way.
Overwrite and Cut Back
One of the nice things about a rough draft is that it gives you room to explore different things. So don't be afraid to really delve into the details of a scene and then cut back what feels awkward or irrelevant. It's much better to have too much and scale back than to have sparse detail and flat characters. It's like wearing layers. You can always take something away but it's hard to add back in what was never there. So get into the practice of adding in those setting, character, time, and object details with every spoken line.
So after I read it the other day, I found myself double-checking to make sure the scenes I was writing had these elements going on. Suddenly it felt like my characters were living and breathing. Gonna apply this advice throughout, and make sure I carry it along during revisions too. <3
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