Transatlantic - A World Below

I'll take a look, shall I?

Okay, so first read-through, what I pick up is that there seems to be quite a bit of connecting tissue missing. Transitions and linking exposition that fill in the context of the dialog taking place. I assume this excerpt is from somewhere in the middle of a chapter? If so, then the reader will already have learned who these characters are and what they're after. Since I'm coming in on the middle of a scene, the excerpt may not, in fact, be as choppy as it seems to be. However, if this is not the case, if this is in fact the story opening, then there is a lot more work that needs doing to clarify the situation.

To help us get a truer feel for overarching issues, I encourage you to post a lengthier excerpt in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy subforum. Say 2000 words?

In this small section, I am picking up on several SPaG issues (spelling, punctuation, and Grammar) that I can address instead. The goal is NOT to change your writing voice or the voices/dialect of the characters, but to make the reading easier on the reader and to get into the habit of using professional practices. While challenging a reader to think is a good thing, making a reader puzzle out what's being said, is not so good, and they'll just stop reading. And the goal is to entice a reader to keep turning pages. So! I'll do a bit of a markup on SPaG and anything else that raises a flag for me as a reader. 

POV & Setting: the scene's first paragraph and the last, are the only two times the reader is solidly inside one of the characters' points of view, with the rest left vague to the point of incomprehensible. This is okay. I'm pointing it out just so you're aware of the issue, so that you can address it during revisions. As for Cati's POV, the reader is left without any clue as to her opinion of these other people, who they are, where they are, or what their goal is. Yes, this is a very short excerpt, but I should still be able to get a sense of her as a person, what kind of person she is and what she thinks/feels about this situation, as well as a sense of setting through her eyes and mind. There is a viewing dome, that's all I know. Therefore, the characters are talking in a blank space. 

The positive is that you have a lot of room to develop the scene, fill in the blanks, and really bring this to life. Early drafts are usually fun to write, but they're usually not pretty. You've got a good start. Just keep going!

She turns to the viewing dome, the largest that Cati ever saw. It looks like those aquariums in the stories.
(You can elaborate on this, give us more information on the aquariums Cati is seeing, instead of stating what they look like like by saying "in the stories" show us what they look like by describing them as I, as a reader, with so little knowledge of the story, has no idea what "in the stories" aquariums are like. Maybe this is clearer with more knowledge of Cati's character and through the story.)


"It was a perfect time to start an underwater construction company since Antarctica was already taken by the damn.."
she abruptly stopped after a glance at Cati. (This could be clearer, I understand from the dialogue she had stopped talking but after the glance she continues again so maybe you can mention she paused to wait to see Cati's reaction to what she had just said before continuing to talk.

For example: "It was a perfect time to start an underwater construction company since Antarctica was already taken by the damn-"
she abruptly stopped to glance at Cati to take in her reaction before continuing.  


"the poor flock to the rich & powerful that faked help, tolerance, and equality as they always been.
Even the "educated" tried a futile effort to slows down or even reverses the disaster.
Me? I provide an affordable crossing to Eden, as marketing called it." she chuckled.
(This is the next part of the dialogue after the last bit.)

"It was a perfect time to start an underwater construction company since Antarctica was already taken by the damn-"
she abruptly stopped to glance at Cati to take in her reaction before continuing. "The poor flock to the rich and powerful that faked help, tolerance, and equality as they always been.
Even the "educated" tried a futile effort to slows down or even reverses the disaster.
Me? I provide an affordable crossing to Eden, as marketing called it." She chuckled. 

Me? I provide an affordable crossing to Eden, as marketing called it." She chuckled. (Me? You could add more body movements and action to this, such as her pointing to herself as she questions, me? "Me?" She pointed at herself. "I provide..." 


"According to some, it's not futile. The Great Tipping happen in the late 30s"



"Well, oil is just excellent at its jobs. Switching power source would be wasteful and expensive."



"Then why you use a deep-water pressure power system in Transatlantic? "



"Cheeky, Where do you think the capital come from? Clean energy?" she smiled softly.



A tall man with a pale white complexion walk through the Door, Carl, just as planned. He holds small Zarf in his hand; smells like kelp.

"Ah, thank you, Charles, kelp?"



Cati refused.

"He also hates it, your father."

Cati instinctively bolted out of her chair, "I knew it. She knows." Cati thought. Ignoring Carl's signal, she grabs her gun.

This seems to be a cool story, with the aquariums, that's quite exciting to read about but this can be fleshed out a lot like Raveneye has mentioned. I feel with all the dialogue and the lack of setting and action, big or small body movements it's all very floating bodies, there's not much to anchor your characters down in this scene. Describe where they are, how your characters are feeling and add little bits of movement in, like I suggested where she said me, but be careful to not go over board on this. You don't want to describe every arm and leg movement and have it be very stage direction like. Just make it relevant to the scene itself, if that makes sense. I hope this helps. Good luck with this story.