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Post by HDSimplicityy on May 11, 2024 18:46:45 GMT -6
In a scene between my main character and her mom, Ellexis remembers to call her mom during her bus ride home. She calls and they discuss the following: Does she get a refill on her medication? Are there pharmacies closer to her parents home to buy the treatments? Does mom and dad have a Plan B and C, in case she nearly drops dead at random? Ellexis is making sure her mother has access and supply to medications before she gets the call for redeployment. Its to an interstellar war in my book. Mom carries an extremely rare illness that causes challenging health issues (heavy pnemonia, skin lesions, loss of energy, and potential blood clotting in heart arteries). I'm just wanting to add tension to this part. I want it to end at a time skip. Also, it does foreshadowing. The next scene is between her and her brother Nolan. What ways might I do that? Here're a few ideas I have already: Discuss a detailed contingency plan for when things go really bad. Maybe her father can help. Otherwise its soley up to her doctors and their equally limited options. If Ellexis keep her eyes out for a new treatment between skirmishes. Or chooses to focuses on her brother, her fire team, and the colonies they're fighting to save. Searching for a place to order temporary treatments. Or... arguing over what specific sci-fi injections can be good substitutes.  My goal with this chapter revision is to show the healthy family dynamics Ellexis has and add a dose of tension.  I figure its boring to keep moments of tension for much later in the plot. PS: It is so easy to write conversations that ramble on into purposeless. Had habit of mine I need to curb. |
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Post by ScintillaMyntan on May 11, 2024 20:32:22 GMT -6
I enjoy these kinds of writing questions, when it's not me being frustrated over my own story.
If you're concerned about these scenes being too boring or low in tension, does she need to meet with her brother at all before going? Or could the meeting be pretty short and just briefly described? You could communicate her good relations with her brother through her thoughts as she goes to the war.
I feel like them discussing the contingency plan might not add anything that wasn't already conveyed in the part with her mother? Like we would already know at that point that the health issues are a challenge. But then, maybe the difficulty of the plan adds some stakes because it's something they really won't want to have to do. Or maybe the plan itself adds tension because the two of them disagree on it. Or if the plan is itself interesting. Actually, does this plan get carried out or attempted later in the story?
The sci-fi injections could add some fun worldbuilding.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, can you get these logistical conversations with her brother to be interesting? If they're just meant to add stakes, that can be done in other ways.
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Post by Sundrinker on May 11, 2024 21:02:10 GMT -6
I think your two desires are somewhat at odds. If you want tension, you need a conflict. If the two siblings get along well, there isn't much of that. It could be as simple as them having generally a good relationship but them having different opinions on how to take care of the sick mother. They both care but what they believe to be right approach being at odds with each other naturally creates some tension.
Ex: You can start the conversation with them asking about each other and getting along, etc, then move unto the topic of the mother where things get more heated. You could then finish it off with having one of them deflecting to another subject and having one of them say to the other they just want the best for theur mother and having the other agree.
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Post by Alatariel on May 13, 2024 14:50:36 GMT -6
As Sundrinker suggests, tension needs conflict/obstacle. Something that is pushing against what your character wants to accomplish.
1) Identify the purpose of the scene: Ellexis wants to establish a plan of action with clear contingencies in case of emergencies since she may not be able to be reached when she's deployed.
2) Identify the obstacle: Her mother is not good at following plans and is forgetful, show this in small ways during the scene/interaction. (I would model this behavior from my Dad or my husband who has ADHD and it stresses me out because I'm always the one who needs to remind people about the important things and if I'm not here, are they going to remember??) She her mother being absent-minded. Or maybe it's her brother who is absent-minded and not reliable. Show this through multiple examples before and during the conversation. Maybe past examples of when Ellexis was gone and her brother dropped the ball? [THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF A POSSIBLE OBSTACLE, you can choose whatever you want to be the issue but there must be one for there to be tension]
3) Put a time constraint on the conversation: She's running to work and only has two more bus stops before she needs to get off and clock-in to her job. We need to figure this out because Brother is going to be at work when her shift is done and Ellexis needs to discuss this NOW.
4) Show earlier in the story what happens without the meds or if the meds are skipped or if they're delayed. Show that all of this is one Ellexis' shoulders. It's also a good opportunity to show absent-mindedness from other family members. Establish the obstacle early.
5) In the conversation, bring up the Worst Case Scenario. Then later in the story, make the Worst Case Scenario happen.
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Post by HDSimplicityy on May 13, 2024 23:41:19 GMT -6
* If you're concerned about these scenes being too boring or low in tension, does she need to meet with her brother at all before going? Or could the meeting be pretty short and just briefly described? You could communicate her good relations with her brother through her thoughts as she goes to the war. I feel like them discussing the contingency plan might not add anything that wasn't already conveyed in the part with her mother? Like we would already know at that point that the health issues are a challenge. But then, maybe the difficulty of the plan adds some stakes because it's something they really won't want to have to do. Or maybe the plan itself adds tension because the two of them disagree on it. Or if the plan is itself interesting. Actually, does this plan get carried out or attempted later in the story? * She does, because he gives her word that they are going on another space adventure (redeployment). And its one that gets the whole books' plot underway. They drive together to home base for a full mission briefing in Chapter 4. You know, thats true. Instead, Nolan can disagree with her plans and offer an alternative. I am worried that him giving a better plan makes Ellexis look illogical and just dumb. Her poor reasoning is reoccurring issue that my developmental editor pointed out. I want her to be smart, logical, and still flawed. Perhaps that flaw comes out in a, well... alternative way. Like her's is GOOD while his is BETTER, and they disagree on choosing one. |
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Post by HDSimplicityy on May 13, 2024 23:46:04 GMT -6
I think your two desires are somewhat at odds. If you want tension, you need a conflict. If the two siblings get along well, there isn't much of that. It could be as simple as them having generally a good relationship but them having different opinions on how to take care of the sick mother. They both care but what they believe to be right approach being at odds with each other naturally creates some tension. Ex: You can start the conversation with them asking about each other and getting along, etc, then move unto the topic of the mother where things get more heated. You could then finish it off with having one of them deflecting to another subject and having one of them say to the other they just want the best for theur mother and having the other agree. So the same as what ScintillaMyntan says. Both care, both think things through, but at odds on the right approach. It just needs to communicate to the reader that both characters are intelligent, yet they disagree on this. Perhaps down the road they do agree on something important. Yeah, that examples is pretty much what I want to do. Then, they get a "You have a new mission" message, and ends the chapter. |
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Post by HDSimplicityy on May 14, 2024 0:04:22 GMT -6
As Sundrinker suggests, tension needs conflict/obstacle. Something that is pushing against what your character wants to accomplish. 1) Identify the purpose of the scene: Ellexis wants to establish a plan of action with clear contingencies in case of emergencies since she may not be able to be reached when she's deployed. 2) Identify the obstacle: Her mother is not good at following plans and is forgetful, show this in small ways during the scene/interaction. (I would model this behavior from my Dad or my husband who has ADHD and it stresses me out because I'm always the one who needs to remind people about the important things and if I'm not here, are they going to remember??) She her mother being absent-minded. Or maybe it's her brother who is absent-minded and not reliable. Show this through multiple examples before and during the conversation. Maybe past examples of when Ellexis was gone and her brother dropped the ball? [THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF A POSSIBLE OBSTACLE, you can choose whatever you want to be the issue but there must be one for there to be tension]3) Put a time constraint on the conversation: She's running to work and only has two more bus stops before she needs to get off and clock-in to her job. We need to figure this out because Brother is going to be at work when her shift is done and Ellexis needs to discuss this NOW. 4) Show earlier in the story what happens without the meds or if the meds are skipped or if they're delayed. Show that all of this is one Ellexis' shoulders. It's also a good opportunity to show absent-mindedness from other family members. Establish the obstacle early. 5) In the conversation, bring up the Worst Case Scenario. Then later in the story, make the Worst Case Scenario happen. 1) Yep. Ellexis wants to ensure that SOMETHING is in place. It may not require her being around; its for her assurance. Her brother would disagree in "such and such" plan, and offer a different one. 2) Her mom (mum as they're Irish), likes to do things on her own when she's out of medicine for a short time. And I actually do that in this new scene I wrote. It needs to be more evident, I suppose. 3) Great idea. Interesting you say that. I wrote an example where Nolan does the opposite. My reason being I'd like to write Nolan as not a "dumb brother" trope and Ellexis isn't the "always correct sister" trope. I'd like them to model a healthy sibling relationship. They still can use multiple moments of tension for story's sake. 4) Yeaaaaah, thats one of my poor writing habits. My conversations go on and on. Good idea. 5) Hmm. Yeah. Makes sense. Mmmm....one of those ought to work. Thank youuu. |
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I figure its boring to keep moments of tension for much later in the plot.
You add them to your profile as you do them around the forum.
